Dear Elsie, --------------..........

i just turned 16 my boyfriend is turning 18 years old in about a month we been together since i was 15 and hes 17 but now that he is turning 18 is it ok for us to date could he get in trouble or could my parents do something for us not to be together because i love him he loves me what do i do?? ............................;
- tilly

tilly,

Every state has different laws. I'm going to assume you're in California (if not write me back). In California the age of consent is 18 years old. So by the book once your boyfriend turns 18, if he has sex with you he is breaking the law. However, unless someone reports you (like your parents), it's unlikely anything will happen. And even then since you two are only two years apart the worst that probably would happen would be a fine. So for you two I hope your parents like him, if not you might need to cool your relationship until you're older. And if you two love each other then you'll need to wait for each other.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

i started cutting when i was 11. im 17 now. i havent cut in over 3 months. i want to sooo bad though but my mom threatens me. what can help to stop getting these thoughts? ............................;
- jbyrd

jbyrd,

So we know you can quit- you did for 3 months. That's terrific. In those 3 months did you find any other habits that you could use in place of cutting? Like taking a walk, talking to a friend (or a counselor), listening to music, snapping a rubber band on your wrist, etc.? Any time we quit a bad behavior (overeating, drinking, MJ, and so on), there are times when we want to do it again, especially in times of stress. You've gotten through the worst time already (the first month) and now it's just taking it moment to moment. And if you back slide some time, don’t be too hard on yourself, but do just get back up (so to say) and try again.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hey, I got really really angry at one of my friends and we've fought before but never like this. This time, I actually started to swear (where if you knew me, is a huge line to cross) and I don't know what to do. I want her to be able to come to me and appologize because everytime we've fought, I've always been the one to 'crack' first and I'm sick of it. I told her that I'd never talk to her again. But, I had a good reason for getting really mad. See, we were still mending our friendship from the last fight we had and she told me she liked some guy and me and the guy she used to like got to talking and the fact that she liked this new guy just came up and she texted me being super super angry at me because apperently it was a 'test' to see if she could trust me. And now I'm really upset at that. Like, I don't want to have WW3 ya know? But, I'm also not sure I want to be friends. I just, I don't know, I just want to talk to her. Be neuatral i guess. No admitting defeat and not being hanging off of each other. I know I can never fix the damage thats been done but I would just like to not have her glare at me when we pass in the hallway. I don't know what to do. I can't exactly tell her this because we didn't end on the best of terms and now she won't even loo at me. I'm so confused and I'm kind of an ex-cutter and this pressure is just kind of making me lean back to that old habit. Hehe, her nickname was Angel because she shined so much brighter than everyone else. Her nickname was supposed to tell her everything I could never tell her. She really is a naturally wonderful person and I don't want the oppertunity to let her know that I'm not mad slip through my fingures. But i was an idiot and deleted her number. I'm not good at talking but I know that if I write her a letter she'll just rip it up and throw it out. What should I do? I don't want to look like I came crawling back to her either. Help...? ............................;
- BlackRain

BlackRain,

It really sounds like Angel was a special friend for you. If she still means that much to you, or you at least don't want to end your friendship on such a bad note, you'll have to be brave and step up. You can try a letter but that could always get in to the wrong hands, so speaking to her face to face is usually best. It's really tough to have to apologize to someone or to try to talk to someone who you know was angry with you. There's nothing wrong with being the first one to try to start the conversation, in fact it's very brave. Maybe she wants to talk to you just as much. Either way, you won't know unless you try and you'll never forgive yourself if you let a repairable, good relationship slip away. Good friends are hard to come by.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

my bf and i had been going out for 3 months now and we would never do anything to hurt each other. well through the whole winter break we didn't see or even text each other.the other day my friend was texting him and he told her that he was with one of his old 'friend' and he didn't see her for a long time and that was the reason he didn't text me but now he not texting as much as we use to. do you think he likes her or not interested in me any more
............................;
- Alice

Alice,

It's hard to say without asking him flat out. He could have just been distracted and hanging out with her or he is moving on to her. Usually, when a guy quits contacting you that's a sign they're on to someone else. It's a crappy way to treat someone but it does happen a lot. Unfortunately, you're going to have to ask him unless he says something first.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

i was wondering what are the bases cuz all my friends says so many different things and i want to know each base do you think you could tell me?
............................;
- blanday

blanday,

First base is kissing, second is breasts getting touched (sorry but this is an old description and didn't include gay male couples), third is touching below the belt and a homerun is intercourse. The bases description leaves out a few acts though. I guess you can use you imagination to put them where you think they belong.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I try this once and it did help out a lot. 2 years ago someone called me fat so I stop eating for months but my friends got mad at me for it and told me that I'm not fat so I started to again but now i completely stop eating and some of my friends are really pissed off. I don't want my friends to be angry at me but I don't want to call fat again so do you have any advice for me?
............................;
- blanday

blanday,

So first off, starving yourself is not the way to lose weight. It messes up your metabolism (how your body uses food), possibly for life. It can also give you headaches and stomach aches, mess up your skin and teeth, and it can make it hard to learn or concentrate (so that you do bad in school or at work). You actually need to eat to lose weight, you just have to eat the right foods. Make fruits and vegetables your friend (5 baseball sized servings a day), lean protein (chicken without the skin, turkey, eggs), whole grain breads. Get rid of white bread, white rice, white pasta and white potatoes. And no mayonnaise, ranch, cream, soda, junk food or juice. Drink 5 or more glasses of water a day. Plus, you need to move- walk, dance, play soccer, anything that gets your heart rate up- and you need to do that every day. But first, just pick a couple of these suggestions to do until you're used to them, then pick a couple of more. And finally (or first), go see a medical provider to see if you really are overweight or if you just think you are because of what someone said to you. Remember that your real friends do care about you and don’t want you to get sick by not eating.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

there this girl she was my friend until she started to mess up my life. she try to break up me and my boyfriend by telling him lies and when he told me this i ask her and she would just replied no and started to call me a bitch but my friends said that she was not telling me the truth and also she said she was going to beat me up and i don't know what to do. do you think you could help me?.
............................;
- sos

sos,

Sorry to hear that who you thought was a friend obviously isn't. If you really are afraid she might beat you up you need to do a couple of things- first let someone at the school know so that they can keep an eye on her, and second make sure you're always with another friend or your boyfriend- since bullies often won't fight you unless you are alone..

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I just recently found out about this site and I'm hoping that it helps. I guess like how everyone else feels, no one really understands me and no one is listening. I started going to a therapist about 4-5 months ago and admitted to my family that I had been cutting and throwing up. I've slowly stopped each and I haven't done either for a while except for throw up, but not as often. The problem is though, is that I have this craving to do these things all of the time. My main issue is cutting though. Every time I get upset it's all that I want to do. My boyfriend really cares and it hurts him when I do it but it's become an addiction. I always try to distract myself but it's in the back of my mind like nagging me. I tell everyone that I'm getting better but I'm actually really depressed. I'm already on 50 mg of my medicine and I don't feel like it's even helping. I'm going to ask to switch soon. My boyfriend says that it's stupid for me to feel depressed all of the time because I have no reason to feel that way. I don't know if you can give me advice but I guess that I just needed to talk. I'm tired of my mom's drinking problems, my need to cut, me feeling like I always mess up, having to fake being happy in front of everyone, just everything. I can't kill myself though because the one thing that keeps me going is my dad and I could never do that to him. I could never hurt him. I guess that I can't ask for help and I'm sorry for such a long message. Any thoughts would be helpful though. Thanks.
............................;
- Isi

Isi,

Congratulations on all of the progress you've made. You're talking to a therapist, trying medicine, and have lessened the amount of vomiting and cutting, that's great. Cutting is addictive though to many people. And just because you aren't doing it or are doing it less does not mean the cravings aren't there. That takes time. I'm also so glad to hear that you realize that suicide would hurt your father and so is not an answer to any of your problems. I'm sorry though to hear about your boyfriend's comment. Someone who's never had a serious depression problem (or drinking, or overeating, or drug addiction, etc.) doesn't know how feels and doesn't understand that you can't just make it go away. You do have a reason to feel the way you do- depression is real. And yes please talk to your therapist about your medicine. Us providers don't always pick the best medicine for each person the first time, or the right dose. We pick a medicine that 'typically' works, and we start at low doses to try to prevent bad side effects. Things can definitely be adjusted to find the right thing for you to feel better. Bottom line, please keep talking to your therapist, and good-luck.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

well, firstly, my dad gave it to me because he got one for my other siblings. And it's not like he gave it to me KNOWING about me cutting. He just didn't want me to feel left out. Second, I tried to give it to my friend but she got really angry with me and not only shoved it back at me but also threw my scissors at me too. I'm not sure why she's so upset with me, she wont answer my calls or texts and I have no idea what I've done to her. I wish that I'd read your response sooner. I was watching Sweeney Todd you see and this one song "My Friends' (he sings to his old razors, if you've seen it I shouldnt explain, you can watch it on youtube, its a relly good song) except if I hadn't been trying so hard not to I probably wouldn't have done it. But, my emotions and that screaming friend and having them back, so polished and shiny....I couldn't take it. I did it. 4 times. two on my wrist and 2 on my stomache. I was so happy- to feel my release again, to instantly feel better. On top of the world. And, thats the thing, the feeling hass lasted from since then to now, it's lasted and it makes me wonder if I should really completly give this up, or find a middle ground. I was thinking you see, maybe, to only do it when I feel that low and under everything. Now that I remember the release and pleasure it gave me...I don't know if I want to stop again. At least I have control over it. like, when my bf dumped me plane and cold, I wanted to freakin' end it all, but I didn't, not even a scratch I made. Plus, my friends all seem to have stopped carring about it. It would be way easier to do now. Especially since we are getting into cold wether. And even in the summer, I could still di it on my stomache right?

Anyway, I really wanted to ask you, do you ever wonder if the certain people who write in are the same person using a different name? Oh, and I know that you say this is confedential and everything but, if it is, then why must we provide an e-mail address to you if you don't even see it? What is the point in that? Thnx
............................;
- SAH

SAH,

Maybe your friend gave you back the scissors because she didn’t want to feel responsible anymore for you cutting or not cutting. That's an awful lot to put on someone else. You could just actually throw it all out. Your other friends still probably care, but don’t feel like their concern will help you any since you've quit and restarted before. A lot of the time when people can't understand your behaviors, and are scared by them, it's just easier for them to ignore the fact that you do it. Cutting for some people can be addictive. Heroin addicts and alcoholics would describe the same pleasurable feelings you do when they get their fix- and I would never recommend them continuing those practices. Cutting is never going to make your problems go away. You have the power to change things. Yes, sometimes I wonder that writers use different IDs to write in since writing styles and questions have been similar. But it's not for me to question- as long as there is a question. I don't know why an email address is required (I am so not techy)- they all come to me with the same address..

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hi. Umm....I know that I've said that I've stopped cutting but....how do i put this? Okay, well first of all Merry Chrismtas!! :) And see, i'm writing in because I got a swiss army knife for Christmas and I've gotten my bff to keep my scissors as I told you I've been 'clean' for wel, since the last time I wrote in to you about me cutting. But now, I feel like I'm burried under piles and piles of almost everything and that knife I got seems to be calling for me. To help me... I dont know what I can do to make it shut up.... I can't resist it too much longer either.... Please help...
............................;
- SAH

SAH,

Who on earth gave you a Swiss Army knife for Christmas? Maybe you should hand it over to your friend also to keep safe with your scissors. It's hard to resist a temptation that's right within reach. Having your weakness (weed, Doritos, alcohol, razors, or whatever) within reach makes it near impossible to quit. 'Out of sight' might not keep your craving out of mind, but it at least makes it a little harder to do. You've been clean for this long so we both know you can do it. It takes close to a month to change a habit- and even then we all still sometimes slip up. Hang in there and I hope you can get unburied soon.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I was wondering why its cruel to call a black person a negro. Like, I dont understand it. Isnt that what they are, white people dont get offended when you call them white, so how come black people get offended
............................;
- Curious

Curious,

The word negro comes from the Spanish word for black. The word became associated with white-imposed attitudes, disrespect and disapproval. Calling a white person 'white' is not considered a racial slur. Language changes and evolves with time, so what's acceptable today might not be in another decade. At one time we used to call mentally disabled people 'retards'. That word became insulting to use, and like 'negro' it is no longer OK to use.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

F Hi. My little sister told me last night (around midnight, it was late) that she had been thinking about cutting herslef. Then, this morning when I woke up I found a note taped to my phone saying that she actually did it. I am really grateful that she trusts me with this information but I dont know what to do. She told me that she comes here sometimes to talk to you which is how I know about it. The site I mean. Anyway, what should I do? Should I tell our mom? Should I talk to my sister about it more? Should I not do anything? Help!
............................;
- Concerned

Concerned,

I'm glad to hear that your sister was able to let you know about her cutting. That makes me feel that she trusts you and is reaching out for some support. I'd definitely recommend that you try to talk with her. Cutters, in general, aren't trying to really hurt themselves seriously or trying to kill themselves. Cutting is a way for them to deal with their problems when they don't know how to do it in a more healthy way. If you can encourage your sister to talk to a counselor or other trusted adult (sorry I don't know how old you are), that would be great so that she can hopefully work on the problems that are driving her to cut. As far as telling your mom- I can't make that decision for you since I'm not part of your family or know their dynamics, but if you do your sister probably won't ever trust you again. However, if you feel your sister is at all at risk of hurting herself more seriously you absolutely have to tell your mom. Good-luck.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

First q: Why do you need our e-amils? 2nd q: I've tried just about every way to stop cutting there is but it never works out. I always just get fed up and grab my scissors. Some people told me that using scissors makes you not a real 'cutter'. Why? Will you be open to ask through Christmas?
............................;
- CuttingGurl

CuttingGurl,

Your email comes through an anonymous server/site so it's untraceable. Your screen name is what I see. Please read the answers to some of the other cutters about ways to work on stopping cutting. Maybe you're not ready to quit right now, but hopefully you'll keep trying and one of these times it'll work. Every time you delay cutting for even a few minutes to a few days you're getting closer to being successful. People cut with all kinds of objects- no matter what you use, if it cuts your skin in any way then you are a cutter.

We'll be closed Monday and Tuesday of the next two weeks, but other than that we'll be here.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

People say that doing art or listening to music or whatever is a good way not to think about cutting. But, every time i do something like that, instead of actually cutting, it just drags out my urge to do it even more than as if i just cut. Please, could you suggest something else? Because hoenstly, the tips aren't working. I think id rather just cut to get the urge over with, instead of dragging it out for hours or days until i cut again. I've told some of my 'friends' who now aren't my friends anymore and i dont know who i can go to. I never trust anybody which is why im writing annonomously from here. To go in person is just...i dont want to think about that. i cant take the eyes. Searching....Always searching for something....
............................;
- ThatGirl

ThatGirl,

Not everyone finds art or music distracting enough to prevent cutting. Others find a short walk, making a phone call to a friend, putting a rubber band on your wrist that you snap when you have the urge, etc. helpful. The bottom line is, that we're all different and you need to explore and try out what works for you. For some people none of these work, or they don't work for right now but make work at another time. And if what you do right now delays you from cutting then it is working a little. The more often or the longer you can delay the cutting the better. It's like quitting smoking. If you kept delaying the time between cigarettes from minutes to days, then that's progress. Not everyone can quit cigarettes or cutting all at once, but do it little by litte. Therapy helps you deal with the issues or thoughts that are driving you to cut, that's why I hope some time you can try it. And if a counselor or therapist is looking at you too hard, tell them you're more comfortable with them looking away. We're taught to look at a person, to yes search for clues in body language.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

My and my boyfriend were making out the other night. Things got heated. We were both fully clothed (him wearing a top and underwear and jeans, I was wearing a top, panties and jeans). He was on top of me. I'm nearly 100% positive that he didn't ejaculate. The furthest he went was rubbing my vagina with his hand on the outside of my jeans and panties. When I took off my pants and underwear later on that night, I noticed that there was a huge wet spot on the inside of my underwear, there was no wetness on the outside of them or on my jeans that I was wearing at the time of the dry humping... So the wet must have been discharge from me. I was just wondering if sperm can swim though clothing, and if there is risk of pregnancy from dry humping while fully clothed. I'm really scared bc I never intended for any of this to happen, and I just need someone to ease my mind.
............................;
- hoaiken90

hoaiken90,

Sperm are very determined swimmers but they can't go through clothing. The wetness you noticed was from you. When a woman is aroused the vagina lubricates in preparation for intercourse. Some women have a little wetness, others a lot. Now if you two were undressed (or at least you were) and he ejaculated near you're genitalia there have been some documentation of a few unlucky women who got pregnant- usually because of fingers or penis transporting those sperm close to the labia (or lips). So bottom line, you can't get pregnant from dry humping if everyone keeps their clothes on and zipped up.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Okay, well, I'm a very wordy person, so I'm sorry if this is alittle bit long. I was firstly wanting to know that only the same person is seeing my problems and stuff. Secondly, I wasn't sure what to write about so i hope it's okay for me to write about everything. :/ Anyway, I have been kind of tired like ALOT tired and I've also noticed that I've had a headache constantly every day for a week. I told my mom about my headache and she just told me to take some Tylonal. I tried to but I ended up choking on them (i cant swallow pills) and then my siblings accused me of trying to suicide myself. And i know thats not proper grammar but grammar is really the last thing on your mind while your writing these things. Sorry. My frined 'C' is like my bestie as he says but I've only known him since last year and only for the first part of the semester we were like totally in sinc and stuff. But then in the second one, we had none of the same classes and I found other friends but it seems like alot of drama and stuff is going on and i feel like im intruding on them because they've all known each other waaay longer than i have. I've met all of these people last year around the same time. I miss hanging out with my bestie but because C's a guy, everyone was always teasing us about going out and stuff and I'm not all that worried about dating yet (ive never had a bf) and its not like i dont want one, i do, but I'm really mixed up about alot of stuff. One of my friends ran away 'BC' and i wear this bracelet she made me last year everyday and i dont see her anymore even though I'd like to. Plus, she's kind of a 'druggy' person, but shes super sweet and if she was a boy, id totally date her or be interested but i cant be because shes a girl. Shes the sweetest thing i've ever met and none of her friends like me. I don't see her all that much anymore. which is sad but i guess that's life. Then she came back and she has a new cell phone but i think that shes kind of creeped out because while she wasn't home, her dad started calling me and stuff and now she only gets her cell phone certain days of the week and its hard to re-connect with her because im never sure when she has it and when she doesnt. To make it worse, I told her some stuff that not alot of other people know, and I know that I do this. I put up this sort of 'shield' when talking to people, so I'm really sarcastic and sassy and im scarred of other people seeing me for who i actually am because i never deal with any problems that come up, I just kind of, push them down into like this huge list of cr.ap and I don't want to let people see the real me because I'm certain that the real me would have even less friends then i do now and would be crying all the time and everybody would just think that I'm crazy. And no offense to you, but I don't trust you. I dont trust anybody with anything. I was betrayed by a councillor before and its been with me every time somebody asks me to tell them something personal and i also read somewhere that when people ask you to be honest, they dont really mean it and noone wants to ever hear whats on your mind so you need to suck it up and just let it go, but the problem is that things just get added to that list of things i never deal with. I also started cut,ting last year (grade nine, I'm in gr. 10 before Christmas break) and my friends all got very concerned but i swear to you, i was never addicted. Then, instead of keeping their promises about not telling anybody, they told not only almost every student in my school, but they also told almost all of the staff and the principals. But, i promised the principals that I wouldn't do it anymore, in exchange for them not to tell my mother. They didnt tell her (which im super happy about because she wouldve killed me if she ever knew) but, i had to get weekly arm checks and wasn't allowed to wear a sweater or go to the bathroom by myself. My locker got raded everyday to make sure that i didnt have anything in there and they'd do a whole body search. (Which is a whole other story) and it was really bad because there were police at our swchool at the time and they would use their medal detectors on me and stuff and i never look anybody in the eyes. I dont know why but i just never do, its probably because 'eyes are the windows to the soul' and i just cant deal with anybody knowing the things that are in there. If you've ever heard of this show Supernatural, I feel like Sammy after he gets out of hell. The anticipation of the 'wall' breaking and all the bad memories and things coming flooding back to me. Except, unlike him, i have noone that close to me who i can go to except for my sister, because this weekend we were talking forever into the night and she cried so many times and then she told me that i could talk to her about anyhting, but i dont know if she meant it or if she was just caught up in the moment of it all or what. I feel like such a freak, i think i might be bipolar but i cant tell nobody about it because i dont trust anybody, and i dont even know why i bothered coming here. I was probably just wasting my time. And on top of all of this, my grandfather died, and the last time i saw him was i glarred at him. I haven't c.ut in about 2 weeks but i honestly feel like it doesnt do anything for me anymore. Like, i need to go farhter with it. I dont know how to deal with anything and im scarred of everybody. Therapy is totally out of the question, which is why im here. I know that im smart so if i attempt suicide, it wont be just an attempt, it will happen. This is like my last chance. I'm sorry if i just wasted your time by telling you this, but for some reason teens are good at that. I'm sorry.
............................;
- TheOneWhoNeedsSomeone

TheOneWhoNeedsSomeone,

Yep, I'm the same person you emailed before. Of course you don't trust me- you don't know me. Your messages are totally anonymous and impossible for us to trace- so I hope that makes you feel a little more safe to unload. Being tired and having headaches can be the symptoms of so many things but especially of stress or depression. Middle and high school times are full of stressors and drama. I really hope you can feel close enough to someone to be able to talk about your feelings, whether it's your sister, C, BC, or someone new. Real friends let you talk about anything and everything and accept us and our flaws.

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with the counselor. They aren't all like that and I hope that some time you can trust again to try again. In the meantime, some people find it helps their stress level (and their headaches, problems sleeping, stomach aches, etc.) to exercise, listen to music, do art, or anything else you might find relaxing (besides cutting- which I'm glad to hear you aren't thinking of doing right now).

Oh, and it's OK to date a girl if that's what you feel most comfortable with. And if you aren't thinking romance, just hanging out with someone you feel comfortable with- whatever sex they are- is great.

And finally, you are never wasting my time, especially if it makes you feel better in any way to unload.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hello, I was curious as to the legal age of consent in Utah? How much older can minor females go while still legal?
With or without parental consent?
For example, I know that 18 and younger is considered minor and that it is not permitted for minors to have sex with people such as age 40 for example.
However, is it legal for say a 17 year old female to dating a 22 year old male or a 13 year old female dating an 18 year old?
Thnx
............................;
- Valerie

Valerie,

The legal age of consent in Utah is 18. Under 18 and consensually having sex with someone a year or two different, although by law is illegal, it's usually overlooked and not prosecuted- unless parents or other adults make an issue of it. A 17 year old with a 22 year old probably won't be prosecuted either, but who's to say, there's still the chance. A 13 year old with an 18 year old will definitely be prosecuted. And if you're in that situation think about how it would feel sending the person you think you care about to jail (tried as an adult which has harsher penalties) and having them have a criminal record for the rest of their lives? Or on the other side, being that 18 year old and possibly risking your future?

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hi. Umm, I was wondering for a while whether or not to use your site and I finally thought 'what the heck'. So, here goes...I am an on-again-off again cutter and have been since last year. My grandfather died last year and my family seems so screwed up and hard to cope with but its also a very 'old school' family. Where everything is okay even when its not and of course you have to pretend to be happy and not admit you have a flaw. So, of course the stress got to be too much for me to handle and I think that's what triggered my cutting. I've wanted to tell my mom but every time I think about that, I usually stop myself from cutting and then don't do it for a while. Naturally, this is hard to admit especially to my mother and family because I also am scarred to go get checked out and I'm not old enough to legally do it by myself. I think I may also be bipolar, have ADD and OCD and I'm really just not sure how to cope anymore. This is not even mentioning school and al that. I want to talk to a guidence councillor but, Im afraid of being looked at and judged by the person. Thats why I enter/ask online councillors instead. I am scared and am not sure what to do with my life anymore. I can't call anyone either because the phone plan my mom gets you can see every call that was made. and she usually checks online what the number is from. I am really happy that you guys have online to come to. :( Please help me...Right now, I've been contemplating alot about just ending it and I don't want to go too far with that plan. Cuz, my life never used to be like this and I never thought i could feel so bad about myself. and I feel like I might be addicted to some stuff to and theres just so much that I'd like to have help with. But naturally all my friends left because im being moody. Please please help. Thnx
............................;
- BlackRain

Dear BlackRain,

I'm so sorry to hear how difficult things are for you right now. Life is hard enough sometimes by itself without adding in a difficult family. Give yourself some credit for how far you've gotten. Cutting is certainly one way people have found to be able to 'deal' with problems or stress, but it's definitely not the best or healthiest way. Some people also find it very addicting. Are there any other things you like to do that help you relax? Like listening to music, doing art, going for a walk, etc. If you do have something like ADD or are bi-polar there are treatments for these that could make your like a lot easier (although those treatments will never fix your family). So please, I hope you can go see a counselor, they aren't there to judge, they are there to help teens with all kinds of things. The hardest step is asking for help, and you've already done that. It's just that we can only do so much on-line, a real live person to talk to is so much better. Good-luck, I have faith you can do it. In the meantime if you want any on-line sites or end up being able to call help-lines let me know- we've posted them before but can certainly post them again..

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hey, I was just wondering cuz i asked you something before but it never got posted. Okay, my friend likes this guy and he tells me he likes her but then she gets jelous cuz im talking to him and thinks im trying to 'steel him' from her. (Which im not.) Then I stop talking to both of them to give them their space to figure it out by themselves. Then alittle bit later he texts me asking me if i like him, of course i say no. He asks out my friend and shes still angry with me, she says yes and makes SURE TO BRING IT UP IN OUR NEXT CONVO. (sHE THINKS SHES HIDING THE FACT THAT SHES MAD AT ME WHEN SHES NOT) SO I WAS LIKE 'OKAY, I DONT REALLY CARE' BUT WELL LIKE, YEAH I DO CARE CUZ ITS MY FRIEND AND I DONT WANT HER TO GET HURT RIGHT? SO THEN TODAY HE TEXTS ME AGAIN ASKING ME IF I LIKE HIM AND SO THIS TIME I ASKED HIM IF HE LIKES ME AND HE SAID 'I LIKE YOUR FRIND...' AND SO I WAS LIKE ARE YOU SURE AND NOW HE WONT TEXT ME BACK AND IM LIKE WHAT THE HELL DUDE? SO I APOLOGIZED TO HIM AND STUFF BUT IM WONDERING WHY HE DIDNT TEXT ME BACK YET AND ITS LIKE DOES THAT MEAN THAT HE DOES LIKE ME AND MY FRIEND AND DOESNT WANT TO TELL ME? OR HE GOT BUISY AND DOESN'T HAVE TIME? OR IS HE TELLING MY FRIEND WHAT I SAID? OR WHAT DOES IT MEAN? i WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD HELP ME WITH THIS. THANKS AND I KNOW THAT ITS NOT ABOUT SEX OR MA BOD OR ANYTHING OR THE SITE BUT I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD, IF YOU CANT DONT WORRY ABOUT IT, I CAN GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.
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- S.O.L

Dear S.O.L,

What it comes down to is: who do you care for most? Your friend or this guy? Is the guy worth losing your friend over? If a guy really wants to be with you he'll let you know. There's a pretty famous saying "he's just not that into you". Him not texting you back could mean he really isn't that interested, he's playing games, or he's shy. That's one of the huge problems with texting- you just can't tell. If you really like him and the friend isn't one you want to continue being friends with then you have to risk getting turned down, but that's the only way you'll find out if he can't step up. Good-luck.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

my friend and i like each other alot but i dont know how to get out of the 'friends zone' with him. Hope you can help.
............................;
- blonday

Dear blonday,

Moving beyond the 'friend's zone' can be difficult and risky. If you're reading the signals wrong you're facing rejection. If you're correct in believing your friend likes you as much as you like them then they'll be happy you made the move (and they'll be relieved they didn't have to). We all sometime in life get rejected, but without trying you'll never know. Honesty is always the best way- being jokey or beating around the bush can be easily misunderstood. Something like- "I'd like to be more than just friends, what do you think?"- won't be misunderstood. And definitely don't do it in front of other people. Whatever way you do do it, good-luck!

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hey ive been cutting for a while and ive been seeing a guidence counclor and she has been saying that i should STOP or she is gonna tell my mom and my mom only knows about my first cutting but ive cut on my ancle , wrest , thigh , and my stomach and its because it seems that nobody cares or loves me and my boyfriend dumped me for a dude so yea and so you can trust NOBODY ANYMORE BECAUSE OF HOW THEY TREAT YOU AND HOW THEY THRETTEN YOU LIKE SAYING THAT THEY ARE GONNA CUTT MYSELF BUT EVEN IF IN WAS DEAD THEY WOULDN'T NOTICE SO YEA.
............................;
- cant trust anyone nomore

Dear cant trust anyone nomore,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a sucky time right now. You trusted what's supposed to be a safe adult and now it feels like they're talking about betraying you. Health care providers (doctors and nurses), therapists, teachers, counselors, etc. are BY LAW required to report if you say you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, or that you're being abused. And if you're telling them you're cutting that qualifies as hurting yourself. Is it helping at all to talk to your counselor? If not, it's time to find another one. As I've said before, there are people who care- sometimes it's just hard to find them in the dark times. And as for your ex, a lot of teens are unsure about their sexuality and still trying to figure out where and who they belong with. Again, I'm sorry you had to be part of that experience.
Bottom line, you definitely would be missed if you were not here, don't ever think that you wouldn't be.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

how do you know if your suicide would make other peoples lives and/or better? I tried setting up my friend with some1 she liked and shes too scarred to ask them out and im really angry at one of my best guy firends cuz he started to hang out alot with another one of my friends and it feels like all this stupid couple stuff is sufficating me!! They're all super buisy so it wouldn't matter if i died right? No1 would even notice or care....and I might also be bipolar!! What did I do in my 15 years to deserve to feel like this?????????!!!!!!!!!.
............................;
- On The Edge

Dear On The Edge,

Suicide NEVER makes anyone's life better, it hurts everyone left behind. And there are far better ways to get back at people who have hurt you. Mental health issues are never something someone chooses or deserves; it's an unlucky accident of fate. I'm really am so sorry you're having such a hard time. Please consider talking to a school counselor about your feelings or a teen crisis line. If you need phone numbers please let me know.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I heard that when a girl has sex for the first time, they bleed, is this true and if its true, why?
............................;
- Dante246

Dear Dante246,

Some girls do bleed the first time they have intercourse, others don't. The hymen is a piece of skin around the opening into the vagina with a hole in the center (kind of looks like a hair scrunchy!). If the hymen gets torn a little with sex (depending on how small the opening is or how big the penis, finger, tampon, etc. is) it may bleed. However, like I said not everyone bleeds- that skin is made to stretch. There have been women who have had babies (lot bigger than a penis) come out of the vagina without tearing the hymen or causing bleeding. So please never count on bleeding as a sign of a virgin having sex for the first time.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Well my question is can you get pimples around your vagina? I been getting these bumps around my outter lips and they seem like pimples about 3months ago i got the same bump in the same spot my mom pooped it and what seemed to be puss came out alot and some blood to. This time it was the same thing except it pooped by itself and lots of puss came out and blood to. I was just wondering can it be herpes or any other std? I was also wondering can you get herpes from sitting in the same toilet seat as someone that does have herpes? Please answer me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!
............................;
- abigal

Dear abigal,

Yes it is possible to get pimples in that area, especially if you shave there- with shaving tiny nicks or cuts happen that let bacteria from the rest of the body get in. However, other things can also happen in that area. Herpes blisters have a clear fluid that comes out and the sore that is left behind is very painful to the touch. Glands and hair follicles can also get plugged up with infection. Please if you have it happen again go to a healthcare provider to get it checked to make sure you don't need antibiotics or some other treatment. Herpes requires skin to skin contact to pass on to another person, so no you can't get it from the toilet seat.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

i was just wondering, is there a way to go to the doctors office to get checked out if you have bipolar disease without your parents knowing/going with you if your under 18? I'm only 15 but i want to get checked out without scaring my parents especially if i dont have it. i also live in Canada, im sayin this cuz the rules are different than in the US.
............................;
- BiP

Dear BiP,

I'm sorry but I don’t know the age of consent in Canada. There's a couple of ways you might go about trying to get an idea of if you need a doctors appointment before getting your parents involved. First you could try talking to a school counselor about your concerns, or if there is a youth center where you live there might be someone who could give you an idea. And then on-line you could check out NAMI- the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have an entire section on bipolar disease and its' symptoms to see if you have them. Their hotline is (800)950-NAMI. Good-luck and if it seems the least bit likely you have it please let your parents get you to a pediatrician to discuss what your options are.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hey, umm... ive never dated anyone before and i was just wondering how do you know if your bi or straight or les and who would want to go out with someone who might be bipolar disease. i was looking at this article and i have most of the symptoms exept for violent outbursts which i just think about doing. thnx
............................;
- Bi

Dear Bi,

Don't worry about labeling yourself or feeling you need to fit a certain role. Hang out with a person you feel interested in or attracted to (whether they're male or female). It's OK not to be sure, especially when you haven't had any experience. Hanging out, without expectations can take the pressures off and help you just get comfortable being with someone. If the person you're with makes you feel good and the feelings are mutual, then that's what is important. Some people would be scared of being with someone with bipolar disease but a lot aren't. Just like many people date people diabetics, paraplegics, dwarves, etc., there are people who date people with bipolar disease. If you're thinking you might have the disease please go see a medical provider for a diagnosis and possible treatment of some kind. Even if you don't do any treatment at least you'll know whether you are or aren't.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Heeyy...Umm, so I know that this was awhile ago but in May last year I found out that my grandfather died on my friends birthday. I really wanted to go to his funeral but noone came to pick me up to go to it and I feel really guilty that the last time I saw him, I was super angry because i had gotten into a fight with one of my friends and instead of hugging him goodbye, i just glared at him. It's still hard for me to talk about although I won't admit it very often. I still get really defensive about it and my Careers teacher (shes also a guidence councilor) told the class about a group that helped deal with lost loved ones. I talked to her after class and she said it was just a place where you could meet people your own age and just share stories and happy memories about them. But now that I'm thinking about this alittle bit more, I'm not so sure if I should go through with it. Like, I don't really think people would care and i dont know, i just feel like they wouldn't be genuine about their reactions to my stories or memories. Plus, I can't remember anything about him except for that day when I glared at him. I'm scarred that i might start cutting again and i have recently started taking Claritan for my allergies but I haven't been taking the recommended dosages and am really worried about an over does sitch or something else. But on the other hand, i think it might be good to get it off my chest and to share it with someone who might understand. I'm not really sure though...

November 11-13 is when my mini vacation is, and my period is expected to come on the 9th. I've never taken BC pills before and don't plan on doing so any time soon. Would my period be delayed if I took pills starting that Monday until Sunday? Do you guys offer low-cost or free birth control pills? I don't even need a whole month's supply (but that's what I would get because I'm assuming they don't come in any less quantity).
............................;
-SAH

Dear SAH,

Some people find support groups very helpful- knowing that you're not the only one going through something. Obviously, you can't know ahead of time how genuine the other people are going to be, but just unloading your feelings can really be healing. Also those people who go to these groups tend to be caring types- that's why they're going. And I'm sure that even though your last memory of being with your grandfather wasn't a good one for you that he still remembered all of the good ones of you. Still I'm sorry you have to live with that memory but I hope that with time that you'll forgive yourself like he would have and be able to remember some good times with him.

Taking less than the recommended amount of an over the counter allergy pill is fine if it's controlling your symptoms. Taking more than recommended can cause you problems so please talk to your health care provider about maybe a different medicine if it's not working at the regular dosage.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hi, I'm going on a little vacation in November, but that will be the weekend of my period. I know how birth control works, but was wondering if it would also work to delay periods if I took pills the week I was supposed to get my period, through the weekend in order to DELAY it. I'm not looking to have sex, I just want to delay my period for a little less than a week.

November 11-13 is when my mini vacation is, and my period is expected to come on the 9th. I've never taken BC pills before and don't plan on doing so any time soon. Would my period be delayed if I took pills starting that Monday until Sunday? Do you guys offer low-cost or free birth control pills? I don't even need a whole month's supply (but that's what I would get because I'm assuming they don't come in any less quantity).
............................;
-Monica

Dear Monica,

You’re absolutely right in that you can use hormones (birth control of certain types) to delay or entirely skip a period. Many women are choosing to do this for many reasons, and it’s absolutely safe- and you don’t have to be sexually active to do it. You’d want to start sooner than later on them though since you’ve not taken them before and occasionally there can be side effects like irregular or even increased bleeding, and that would not make your vacation too fun. If that’s not possible start them about two weeks prior to your vacation. And yes, we have free (and confidential) birth control here at the clinic. There’s a state run program that pays for it for anyone 12 years old and up. One month of pills would be no problem (or get three packs to use for other occaisions). .

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

How do you know if someone is bi-polar and/or needs therapy?
............................;
-NoEmo's

Dear NoEmo's,

Bipolar disorders are characterized by a person that has both episodes of depression and mania (excessive excitement, delusions of grandeur, being really overactive, etc.). If a person is feeling any of these types of things they should go see their medical provider who will then administer a set of questions that can better tell if the person is truly bipolar or just depressed. Treatment for true bipolar folks usually means medicines and therapy. For those people who may have the disease and not know it (or refuse treatment) many self medicate with drugs or alcohol and cause themselves all kinds of other issues. So bottom line, if you're questioning your moods please go talk to your health care provider or counselor.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Is it illegarl for a 17 year old girl to be dateing a 25 year old man in maryland???
............................;
-On Bealf Of Estreya

Dear On Bealf Of Estreya,

Every state has different laws. The legal age of consent in Maryland is 16. So what that means is a person 16 years old or older can legally have sex with someone over the age of 21 as long as the older person is not in a position of authority over the younger person. In other words, if the older person is a teacher, coach, clergy person or someone else like that, it would be illegal. So as long as the 25 year old man isn't one of these types of person you're not illegal in Maryland.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hi. I know I said I wouldn't write back to you anymore but I've been keeping up with the column and it seems like Needin'Help sounds alot like I did. I'm glad that you've been trying to help her but she's gone to other advice places and hasn't gotten better. She can be really stubborn sometimes and I just hope that you don't give up on her! She's dealt with this before but her 'system' was her 'way out' even though it didn't help. I wanted to tell you that she has been through alot with alot of different people and is kind of scarred (even though she'll never admit it) and she just doesn't want to be alone in this. The thing is, that with her, she is very hard to swade to the 'other side' of whatever the matter is. I'm soo glad that you haven't given up on her yet but I'm also gonna warn you, this has been more that she's talked about with her cutting then anyone else, so don't be surprised if she just stops writing you. She'll keep going and try to push you to beleive her that it is ok and that she doesn't have to stop what she's doing. The way that she was braught into this was probably very tramitizing for her (you can hear it in her voice) and telling he the opposite won't end well for either of you. I know that I shouldn't be bringing myself into the middle of this (after all, she's asking you for advice, not me) but I've seen her do this too many times and just want her to be happy. I know exactly what she's convinced herself of and it IS NOT TRUE!! She's lured herself into this false stateof security and I don't know why. She really is tough to work with (at times) and I don't want her to throw all the advice you've given her away. Again, sorry for getting into them iddle of things, I know it's none of my buisness but I'm worreid about her...
............................;
-SAH

Dear SAH,

Hi there! Don't worry about writing again, I'm glad to hear from you and that you sound like you're doing well. And please, please, don't ever worry about being concerned for someone else, especially since you speak from experience-who better to give advice? Like they say "it takes a village". We should all be concerned about others and likewise to know that there are people we may not even know about that think or worry about us. And also, that we may feel like we're the only one going through a difficult situation but in reality there are others who have also been there or done that. We know we all deal with life and our problems differently and at different paces. Sometimes for every step forward we take two steps backwards. And sometimes we just have to stop trying for awhile- kind of like smokers- it may take multiple tries before we're successful at change.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

What do you mean that you 'know I have courage by what I've said'? I've been very, particular in the words and things I have told you. It has been very sifted through before I send my comments. I do have to admit though, I really do not like talking to people about my problems. I have always hated being in the 'spotlight' and I guess the reason I don't like talking about my 'issues' with people is because I'm singled out. I've always known that it's hard for me to talk to people in general but trying to talk to people when something is wrong, that's a whole different story. I don't ike 'letting people in' and by talking to them about certain stuff (cutting in this example) I'm not happy about letting them see a sensitive side to me. I know that probably sounds crazy but it's true. I've begun to realize that whe I talk to people, I put up a 'front' or shield. (Whatever you'd like to call it.) It is kind of like a hard front, not letting people see me emotional or 'my true colours' if you will. I don't mean to sound rude (if I do, please forgive me) but even just talking to you here was a huge leap for me because talking to someone face to face is not 'ok' but to be going on about my problems and stuff over the Interwebs and not being able to see who it is is much worse. School is almost back in, meaning I will have less time to deal with certain stuff. (Do to homework and projects) I really don't think that you should be worrieing about someone you only know as by their screen name. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but it is true. We don't know each other and for some reason I felt ok telling you stuff that I'd never tell anyone else (private things that have only ever gone soemwhere like a diary) I'm really nervous to actually sit down and talk to a consouler because I don't want to be judged or 'on the spot' as I said earlier. I was reading some articles and such about this on the Interwebs before and I realized that I only thought I wanted to change because that was all I was used to hearing. I realize now that I'm ok with eing who I am at this moment, and I was dumb to try and change myself. I mean, sure I have some flaws, but doesn't every body? Like that song, 'I'm sure you've got some things, that you'd like to change about yourself but when it comes to me, I wouldn't want to be anybody else'. That song just always seems to put a smile on my face same like another song (Mean by taylor swift) I now just can't shake the feeling that I was meant to be like this and not change... P.S. I'm sorry that my comments and questions are always really long and take up space.
............................;
-Needin'Help

Dear Needin'Help,

You're right that you've never told me any specifics but it's come through your messages that this has been a very difficult thing for you to speak up about. The majority of people who are cutters, overeaters, depressed, shameful, or anything else that society labels as 'not normal' or as mental health issues aren't able to speak out in any way and end up keeping it inside. So yes, to me, you asking questions is having courage.
And even if I don't know you face to face I still worry about you. Haven't you ever felt concern for people you've never met- like earthquake victims, or the car accident victim in the news, or that kid you always see sitting alone at lunch? Just because I've never talked to these people doesn’t mean I can't feel for them.
You're never stupid for thinking about changing yourself. And if you're feeling OK where you're at, at this moment in time, then it's not time to change. Yes, we are all definitely flawed which I think is really kind of cool-just think how boring we'd all be if we were perfect. I still hope though that at sometime you will be able to change at least the cutting part of you- maybe it won't be with a counselor (they aren't there to judge you)- it doesn't work for everyone. Diaries are great so I'm glad to hear you do that.
Also, you don't ever have to apologize for long messages.
And finally I hope you read the article on myelsie.org about cutting.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hi. Umm.... I was wondering if you could help me better understand something. I personnally don't know what it's like but one of my friends cuts themselves. I've tried to be really supportive because I don't want them to kill theirselves. I was reading your article about cutting but something in their flagged me. See, I've known this person since gr.1 (we're both in gr.10 now) and they never went through any kind of abuse. We tell each other everything so I'd know if that happened. But, if they never went through anything tramatic, why could they have started cutting? I also don't want to pressure them into doing anything like seeing someone about it because if I did, our friendship would fall apart and I know that they have noone else to fall back on who knows so much about them. I'm kind of like their safety net. They spend all their time with me and I know it's been really hard for them because we have no classes together. I want them to get help, but I don't want such a big part of my life to just walk out because I've tried to help them. What should I do?
............................;
-Freind

Dear Freind,

It's wonderful that you're being so supportive of your friend. It is very difficult for someone who doesn't cut to understand what it's like to be a cutter. Cutters are usually never suicidal. And not all cutters have had a seriously traumatic event in their lives. And even if they have had one, other people may never know about it. Sometimes a person is so embarrassed or upset about an event they keep it secret even from their best friends. Also, everyone deals with their problems differently- some eat too much, some isolate themselves from everyone, some sleep all of the time, and some cut. Please read the article about cutting at myelsie.org and keep being the nonjudgmental friend that you are because sometimes that's all we can do for our friends- is listen.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

It's me again. I figured out a system that works with my 'problem' and the people around me can forget about it. I cancelled the appontment because I felt and still feel like I don't need it anymore. Ok, so this 'system' is that in the winter I will cut on my arms and when it gets hot and turns to summer, I will cut only on my stomache or upper thigh. (Somewhere noone can see it) That way nobody's worrying and I still feel good. Like that saying 'out of sight out of mind'. That's exactly what I'm doing.
............................;
-Needin'Help

Dear Needin'Help,

Yes that is a 'system', but it's still a very unhealthy one. I'm worried that you're still not dealing with what makes you feel the need to cut in the first place. It takes a lot of courage (which I know you have by some of the things you've said) to talk to someone face to face about heavy stuff like sexual, emotional or physical abuse, sexuality, bullying, and so on- not that I'm saying that any of these in particular are your issues but they're common reasons people cut. And please don't ever think that just cuz your problems seem possibly less than someone else's that they aren't important. They're still your problems and you matter. So please I still want to encourage you to talk to a teen counselor. And don't forget that someone is worrying about you- ME!

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

i was wondering, me and my gf were getting into things last night (we've been going out for 2 years) but when it came time to 'get it on' she backed out. we've done it before and she usually goes with it but latley she hasn't been too into it. Does this mean that she's cheating on me? See, she's not the brightest and we origonally started dating cuz of her low self esteem but we can legally be together now and it doesn't seem like she wants to. But now, i want to be with her cuz i learned how great she can be. (not just in bed) i know that it was totally wrong for me to take advantage of her like that but i truely want to make it up to her. Her birthday is coming up soon and i want to do something really special. Since she found out about how we started dating she's been kind of mean which is understandable. I really like her and I want to make it up to her. What should I do???
............................;
-Sam

Dear Sam,

I'm glad to hear that #1 you can legally be together now, and #2 that you want to make up for your past dishonest and demeaning treatment of your girlfriend. It sounds like she has every right to be angry at you. And just because someone had sex with you before does not mean that they should or will do it again. Sometimes things need to cool off for awhile or altogether. Nobody should want to be with someone if they're 'just going with it' and don't honestly seem to be enjoying sex. This also does not mean she's cheating or doesn't care for you anymore. Women's emotions affect their sexual desire far more than it does for men. If you really do care for her now keep being honest and patient with her and sex shouldn't be the only thing you're with her for. She'll want to be with you if you can prove you're worth it- that will be the best bday present you could give her.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hi, umm, ok, so me and my bo were making out in his car and then things got really steaming, and when he went to put his thing in my hole, it burned ALOT. And when I told him to take it out, my hole was all red. I was just wondering does this mean i have an infection or something?
............................;
-Mel

Dear Mel,

Redness and burning can mean a couple of different things. And what hole are you referring to? I'll assume you mean your vagina (if not write me back). First, if your body wasn't ready (not lubricated enough and relaxed) it's dry and the friction of sex can rub you raw. If you were using a latex condom it could mean you have a latex allergy. Also, if you have a yeast or bacterial vaginal infection (those aren't sexually transmitted infections) your skin in the vagina is inflamed and fragile so again the friction of sex can make you really raw and sore. Herpes, which is sexually transmitted, can also be really painful. Whatever the cause, you should probably go to your local teen clinic and make sure everything is alright.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hello well me and my partner had sexual intercourse about a month ago i was suppose to get my period this month but i didn't but i did get a really bad cramp wich i thought was because my period was about to start but i never got my period and this morning i also got some cramping but it was less painful as the first time could this mean i'm pregnate?
............................;
-Candy

Dear Candy,

Cramping can mean several things. And yes pregnancy is one of them, especially if you've missed a period. The big concern with cramping is if it is one-sided only it could mean a tubal pregnancy (where the baby starts growing in your fallopian tube where there's not enough room for it to grow). If this happens it could be very dangerous for the mother. At one to two months of pregnancy it's not as dangerous (yet), but you definitely need to get a pregnancy test. If you're not pregnant, stress and the worry of pregnancy can cause you to miss a period, so can infection and other illnesses. Either way, go to your clinic and get checked out. In the meantime if the pain worsens go to the emergency room.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

first of all, please excuse my bad english. im a bit confuse about this girl im dating. all my ex's where about as old as me but for the first time i met a girl that 8 years younger than me. she's 18 and im 26. i assume its all good cuz our family are close with each other and they liked it when they knew we liked each other and they know im a good guy so they prefer me than the guys she dated. even tho ive got everyones approval. i get insecure sometimes because of how much younger she is. its doesnt bother her at all but im just concern about what others may think. i would like to have your upfront honest opinion if what im doing is wrong. cause i really like her but im concern if this is right... thank you
............................;
-J

Dear J,

It's great that you're aware that some people might question your relationship and that you're checking in- that shows that you are concerned about doing the right thing and that you care about this girl. Eight years difference in age is considered a lot at 18 and 26 since your life experiences and maturity are very different at those ages. Legally as long as you both are over 18 it's fine. And the fact that you have both your parents' blessing is great. Many people can make it work. Besides families do you two have other common interests or hobbies? Do you have similar beliefs and life goals (like careers and family goals)? These are all things you need to discuss if you want to make your relationship work. Good-luck to you.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Umm... No. You're not misunderstanding me. That beating part just kind of slipped out in my stress rant. You shouldn't worry about that. It's not why I was writing to you. I set up an oppintment with the school's guidence counslor. Everything is going well except I just need to wait for school to get back in then I can see them. As for my cutting, it got better and then worse and now it's in between those two. Like, I went on a cutting rant and started cutting myself like twenty to thirty times in the day. But now I'm back down to the fifteen to twenty range. I know that I'm not trying to kill myself because he would for sure not ever let me do that. Anyway, I got a bf! I'm super happy about that because I was thinking stuff like 'who could ever like me?' But now I know. Even though he's not very supportive at times and he can be alittle agressive, I love him to death. I hope we never break up..
............................;
-Needin'Help

Dear Needin'Help,

You're really getting me worried about you. I know you say you're not trying to kill yourself but you still are hurting yourself. I hope you have that appointment soon with the counselor, but in the meantime I strongly encourage you to talk to a local teen advocacy group. If you need help finding a local one please let me know. Many have support groups for teen cutters where you can meet others going through similar things like you. I'm happy to hear that you're happy with a BF. I hope though with time that he learns to be more supportive of you. Till then, please take care of yourself and know that I (and others) do care.