The pressure on teens to have sex is enormous! And it looks as if teens often feel they’re caught in a vise. Not only do they have to contend with the direct pressure to “do it” from their date or steady boyfriend/girlfriend, there’s the peer pressure applied by friends who want to know (elbow jab, wink wink) “didja do it?” They may also feel the internal pressure to keep pace with their friends, as if competing in a marathon to lose their virginity.

Peer Pressure: From a Guy's POV

TAKE IT FROM EDDIE..."I am a guy who is 17 years old. I look like an ordinary guy from school, but I am not like most of them. Almost everybody at this age has had sex more than once. Surprisingly to some people, I am a virgin, and I have decided to remain abstinent until I’m ready. People, guys and girls, can find this absurd but what they find “normal” to me can be absurd and demoralizing. I like to respect the girls, because my parents have taught me morals, values, and respect. I have chosen to wait until marriage and not “go with the flow”-- regardless of other peoples’ opinions. It’s your choice to make, but be concerned about what’s out there."

Many teens, especially boys, feel pressure to have sex before they are ready. According to recent research, some 63 percent of teens believe that waiting to have sex is a good idea, but few people actually do. One in three boys ages 15-17 say they feel pressure to have sex, often from male friends. Teen girls feel less pressure--only 23 percent said they felt such coercion. Peer pressure is always tough to deal with, especially when it comes to sex. Some teenagers decide to have sexual relationships because their friends think sex is cool. Others feel pressured by the person they are dating. Still others find it easier to give in and have sex than to try to explain why not. Some teenagers get caught up in the romantic feelings and believe having sex is the best way they can prove their love.
About one in three teens said they had been in a relationship where they felt things were moving too fast sexually. Separately, the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy was releasing its own study Tuesday examining sex among younger teens. It found that about one in five teens report having sex before they turn 15 years old. As obvious as it sounds, there are a lot of expectations for boys to be sexually active.

Good Riddance!

Many of us have sex because we think everyone else is. Or that we should do it, because we've got a boyfriend - he'll expect it. Or that if we don't we're a prude. A prick tease. A baby. So we do stuff we'd rather not. Don't follow the herd. It's your body. Your decision. And how you feel about yourself after that counts. If he breaks up with us because we won't have sex: that was all that mattered to him. So good riddance.

How to deal with Sexual Pressure: If someone tries to pressure you to have sex, use these steps:

• State how far you will go –without giving excuses or reasons.
• If pressure continues:

REPEAT your decision,
REFUSE to discuss it further,
LEAVE!

• Manipulation – Convincing someone to do something they are not comfortable with and making a person feel that they have little choice in a decision.

“If you love me you would…”
“We’ve had sex before so you can’t say ‘no’ now.”

• “If you loved me, you wouldn’t pressure  me to…”
• “Just because I had sex with you before doesn’t mean I have to have sex with you right now.”

• Threats – saying that they will hurt or leave you if you won’t have sex.

“You’re not the only girl I could date.”
“I will kill myself if you break up with me.”

• “You are not the only guy I could date. I chose to date you and I can change my mind.”

• “Are you thinking about suicide? If so, I need to tell someone.”

• Guilt trips – Using guilt to convince someone to do something.

“Don’t you like me?”
“You can’t say ‘no’ because I spent all that money on you.”

• Yes, I like you. If you really liked me, you wouldn’t make me feel bad about…”

• “If you think spending money on me means you can have sex, then I would be glad to give you the money for my share of the evening.”

• Persuasion – using pressure lines.

“I know you really want to.”
“Why not have sex with me? Everyone else is doing it.”

• “No. I’m not ready for sex.. I made the decision to wait.”

• “I don’t have sex with anyone. Most of my friends are not having sex.”